Why "Bad Picker?"

Why did I call myself "Bad Picker?" Because I don't know how to pick a man. I let them pick me. I go back to the whole "Disney" crap that I was sold as a child and our whole culture. We learned that women should let the man approach them and not the other way around. It is a LOT easier, speaking as a women who just asked out a man for the first time in her life at the age of 39, to let them come to you. The focus group decided that letting them come to me is a mistake for the very reason it is for many women like me. Often strong, capable, successful women attract weak, needy men. If the man is a good salesmen who can act like a capable man for a while; you can be fooled. My problem is that I like sensitive men. You know, a man that can talk about their feelings. The problem comes in when they turn out to be tortured by their feelings and use drugs, alcohol and sex to self-medicate. Yes, I said sex. Unfortunately, it wasn't sex with me. You see, I found out that my ex was cheating on me using an ad in the local alternative newspaper searching for kinky sex. Real sensitive huh?

Another possibility is that women like me, learned to be strong and capable from their moms who are the caretakers. Therapists may call these caretaking moms "co-dependent" but they are really just 1950s homemakers. I talked to my Mom about the possibility that she may be co-dependent (making me more certain that I am because I'm trying to solve her problems). She says to me in great Mom form..."You might be right that I'm co-dependent, but it works for me." She's right...she and Dad have been married happily for over 40 years. Dad isn't an alcoholic; but instead he is a really nice man who everyone in town loves. The problem for me is being the co-dependent caretaker didn't work for me.

To help with my "picking" capabilities, my friends have agreed (well some of them have), to help. My divorce lawyer and friend came up with a great idea called the Power of 10. She tells 10 of her friends what I'm looking for, her 10 friends tell 10 of their friends and so on. At least one of those people may know someone who is a potential Mr. Right or at the very least Mr. Right Now.

Question for the Day: Do you know of anyone who might be a possibility? Three preliminary qualifications: 1. male & not married; 2. not gay; and 3. has a wrist that is bigger than mine (not hard to do).